Quotes from "The Loose girl" - a memoir of promiscuity

This is a real life expereince. It is written by a girl, who from age 11 began experimenting sexually and desperately searching for love and attention. Her parents were divorced, and from my perspective......did little to help her grow into a woman of security (christian or not). She speaks nothing of God or of knowing his love. She embarqs on a long journey of sexual enounter after another. This has been probably the most exhausting experience I've ever read about. I wanted to scream....."If you sleep with one more person I am going to vommit!!!" I dont even have children or know what it is like to be a mother...but I found myself over and over wishing I could crawl onto the pages of her life and comfort her, to speak loving words to her and give her hope.
I know this is about someone's life and I know life experiences can help other people, but I can't recomend this book because there was just a lot of very descriptive scenes I found myself having to skip over. I definately do not feel the average teen girl should read this.... But, that is my personal opinion.

I cant wait to get into God's word and see what He will teach me about regarding the things I came upon in this book. But for now here are some quotes so you can get an idea of the heart of this girl.



page 41' "Look", I say, "We fooled around a little bit. It's not a big deal." She shakes her head. "Fine" she says, "Relax, I really dont care anyway." She turns away. "Peter Raffertys a big slut. It's not like you are going to be his girlfriend now anyway."
"I know", I say, but inside I cringe because, of course, like an idiot, that is exactly what I had been hoping for.
When we get home, I go to the bathroom and see two hickeys Peter left on my neck. I touch them, wishing I could keep them there, proof he wanted me even for a few minutes. But, by the time Monday comes, they are mostly faded. I see him only once that week. He walks right by me with a small group of his friends. He doesn't even say hello.


page 60' On nights when nothing is going on I fool around with Greg.......In general though I feel bored. At the time I don't know what it is. I feel itchy, expectant, like I'm in a permanent state of waiting. When Greg and I kiss and ............I feel empty and frustrated. I want something else, something more. And because I cant identify it, I decide I want to lose my virginity.



page 63' Having sex is something lukewarm, something you share for an evening. It's friendship building. What else should it be?



page 79 ' I am mad at myself, that I do these things and then pretend I don't. I spend half of my life lying about who I am and what I want. I don't even know who I am most of the time.



page 84' I wait another second, but he doesn't say anything else.

For a brief moment, I see myself as though from a distance: my wrinkled clothes, my mussed hair, mascara smeared beneath my eyes, waiting for something from this boy who is done with me. I am pitiful, wretched even. I need to end this for myself. But in the same instant, the vision is gone. I wonder now if I had been able to maintain that perspective for maybe a few moments longer, perhaps I wouldn't have kept going down this path. Perhaps this would have been the turning point, the place where I learned my lesson and found a way to love myself. But my desperation was too strong. It was like a tidal wave, pulling me deeper into its current. And the rest of me was not strong enough to fight it.



page 92' I wondered, for instance, why almost everyone other than me seemed to be able to have relationships. I could have sex. Oh, yes. But I could not keep a boys attention beyond that. Thinking about this opened up a deep hole in my chest, one that seemed to have no bottom. The only answer I could come up with was that I, unlike these other girls, was simply not lovable.



page 95' There are no boys. And when there are no boys, I get anxious and bored, like I am waiting for my life to begin.



page 105' When I tell Zoe this later, she laughs. "You weren't betrayed", she says. "He made it clear to you that he wasn't going to give you anything more when he dissed you the first night"

page 109' It is between Will and me, our secret. His secret desire for me. I like that. And something else. Something I am less eager to admit. Jenifer, for all her perfection, is not enough for him. But maybe I could be.

page 155' I still experience myself like I did in high school. Without a man loving me, I feel like I don't exist.

page 203' The gist is when you can love yourself entirely. only then can others love you too. Duh, any moron knows that. But how do you love yourself after a lifetime of self-degradation and effacement? That would be a book worth reading.